Harder Than You'd Think

Mural, Halifax, May 2016 - Sea Creatures and Sugar Candies

Now that I am well and truly settled in on the path to recovery, there's little to tell.

It's time, then, to return to our friend the Ruler and her Advisors.

*********

The ruler of a small but pleasant realm sat in her chambers, joined by the Wizard, her most skilled improvisor, but missing Chappie, her most trusted advisor, who had recently moved on to another position.

The Ruler wasn't looking forward to the process to replace Chappie, but she had an even bigger problem on her hands.

In the middle of the floor of her chambers, what she and the Wizard had come to call The Thing squatted grotesquely inside a pen set on a layer of soiled newspapers. It looked like an ungodly hybrid of a groundhog and a crow, with patches of fur and feathers randomly set on its hide, one wing, two burrowing claws and a feathered tail. Although it had some of the parts required to do both, it could neither fly nor dig.

This was the Emperor's prize, to obtain which he had burned bridges and left behind patches of scorched earth all over the kingdom. It was but one of a hundred little monsters the Emperor had fought for and brought home, but the Ruler had gotten rid of most of those.

Since she had cleared her castle of monsters the month before, the Ruler had heard reports of how the other abominations were, with proper care and feeding in other realms, turning into fairer creatures, mostly gainly, with good chances of becoming something useful.

The Ruler and her Advisors had lavished care and attention on the Thing, but to no avail. Their first task had been to name it. Nothing had come of that effort so far. The Ruler and the Wizard were down to the last batch of advisors who might be able to help.

"Fetch the Wordsmiths, Wizard," said the Ruler, "Let's see what they can do."

The Wordsmiths were the realm's official source of all Necessary and Important Terms. As she found them dreary to deal with, the Ruler preferred to leave them as her last resort.

Five Wordsmiths filed into the Ruler's chambers on the Wizard's summons. The first among them, Hank, was tall, youthful, energetic and needed a shave. The second, Carrie, was petite, skittish, with a crooked smile and a distracted air. The third, Dorf, had lank shoulder-length dirty blonde hair, blotchy skin and crossed eyes. The fourth and fifth, Kitty and Sterling, hung back behind the first three and tried not to be seen.

"Welcome, Wordsmiths," began the Ruler, "we are anxious for your council on the naming of the Thing..."

The Wordsmiths as one furrowed their brows, puzzled.

"... that Thing there - the one in the pen," said the Ruler, pointing to the plainly obvious Thing in the pen.

The Wordsmiths looked in the direction the Ruler pointed. Astonished, they made various noises of shock and surprise.

"Surely word has come to you about the Thing," said the Ruler, her patience ebbing the same way it always did with the Wordsmiths.

"Oh, sure," said Hank, "we'd heard rumours but no one came and spoke to us directly about it, like it might have been nice for them to do."

Ignoring the dig, the Ruler continued, "perhaps a few people of the realm either deep in a coma or lost on a quest have not heard about the Thing, but those of your stature and role would know without being told that the Thing is the apple of the Emperor's eye and the prize of his future plans for the kingdom.

"He has asked us to name it. Countless advisors have brought forth every conceivable moniker..."

"Such as...?" interrupted Hank.

"Such as grand names like Titanic," said the Wizard. 

"I can see why that wouldn't work ..." said Hank.

"Historic names like Nixon..."

"Ouch," said Hank.

"Even unimaginably stupid names like Katniss Everdeen."

"You really need our help," said Hank.

"On that we're agreed," said the Ruler, hoping to get down to business. "So you know our dilemma. You understand our need. You are the leading craftspeople in the kingdom on matters of this sort. What is your advice on the naming of the Thing?"

"It can't be done," said Hank with finality.

To be continued ....

Thanks for reading!

Karen