Detailed Accounts

Our neighbour's cat Chester, peering.

Readers recall from two posts ago that I had two things on my mind: the fact that I needed a new fridge and that I was just coming off of a six-week bout with shingles.

Over the past week I have learned that people are a lot more interested in hearing the details about these things that I would have thought. One colleague of mine whom I happened upon in a vast, Queens' Park hallway would not let me go until I'd shared everything I'd experienced with shingles.

As a service to my readers, then, here is the full story, set out as Qs and As:

Q: Do you get shingles if you've never had chicken pox or because you've had chicken pox?

A: Because you've had chicken pox. It's a herpes virus, and those suckers stick around. 

Q: So what causes shingles?

A: If your immune system gets weakened, the virus will make its move. People over fifty get it just because their immune system is generally weaker. But anything can trigger it. In my case, it was two weeks away from home and one night of drinking too much.

Q: How do you know you have shingles?

A: You don't most of the time until the rash shows up. An early sign - in my case at least - was random, unexplained pains in the general area of where the rash appeared. 

Q: If you think you have shingles, what should you do?

A: Find someone who can confirm that you have it and then write you a prescription for antivirals right away.

Q: Is it painful?

A: Yes, but not the way you'd think. There are distinct stages. And everyone experiences it differently. The virus has attacked a nerve, which can mean just about anything from mild irritation to blindness (if it gets in your optic nerve). The rash - mine was mostly on my lower right rib cage - is the obvious part of the illness - and I managed mine with Tylenol and lavish applications of antibiotic cream. It was like a cold sore, except really big. The worst part was after the surface sores were all but gone. The site pulsed/itched/hurt like nothing I've experienced in my life. I became a bit desperate when it seemed the sensations -- which pain killers did not resolve -- would never settle down, never go away. My tap-dancing injured nerves were most active at night making it impossible to sleep. But, I found that wrapping a tension bandage around my rib cage really helped. And, slowly, over the weeks, the sensations subsided. 

Q: Is there a vaccine?

A: Yes. If you're over fifty, you may want to get vaccinated. 

Q: If you get it, how long does it last?

A: The medical information on the Internet says three to four weeks, but that would only account for the rash. If you've got a significant case of shingles, plan to have it and its after effects around for a couple of months.

As For the Fridge

As proof that the "have it now" culture has completely ruined me, I thought I was only half kidding when I said, two blogs ago, that I was hoping to get my new fridge delivered in a half an hour or it would be free.

Turns out fridges are not pizzas, and, while it's probably too easy to order one over the phone, getting one delivered still takes some doing. Let me share the details of that experience, in the same format as above:

Q: What possessed you to buy a fridge, sight unseen from someone you didn't know and had never done business with before?

A: I believe in the rule of law and understand that the state exists to enforce contracts, even verbal ones made over these new-fangled talking machines.

Q: What?

A: I mean, I had looked on the Internet and had basically shopped for a fridge that would fit in our fridge-hole and that was black. Those two factors limited my choice to two appliance retailers in the city and ONE fridge - a bottom-of-the-line Whirlpool model. One of the retailers had it on sale, the other didn't. So I called the guys who had it on sale.

Q: How'd the call go?

A: It took about fourteen tries to get the salesman to get the model number right, but after that we progressed like a house on fire. Before I knew it, he had my credit card number and my address and I still didn't even knew his name.

Q: What was his name?

A: Eddie.

Q: So it sounds like the purchase went smoothly. What was that you were saying about delivery?

A: Well, here's the thing. This was the week we took Friday and the following Monday off to go to Belleville for Kim and Kevan's wedding. I asked Eddie if he could arrange delivery before Friday. Eddie said something about that not being his department and someone would call me.

Q: That's a sterling example of outstanding customer service. Did you ever hear from Eddie again?

A: I called on Tuesday to follow up because no one had called me. I only knew Eddie's name so I asked for him again. I explained my situation to Eddie and he said he'd get someone to call me back.

Q: And...?

A: I got a call from some guy who did not identify himself saying he would deliver the fridge on Monday and he'd need a bank draft for the balance owing - I'd paid a $200 deposit when I ordered the fridge.

Q: Did he tell you who to make the draft out to?

A: No.

Q: So you had to guess?

A: Yes.

Q: Did you guess right?

A: No.

Q: What happened on Monday?

A: Around noon I got a call from another guy who didn't identify himself asking me if I'd like to have my fridge delivered on Tuesday.

Q: Bummer.

A: Well, it was irritating that they'd completely messed up the Monday delivery, but it gave me the opportunity to find out I was going to have to go back to the bank to change the payee on the money order. I also got the leverage I needed to tell them they better deliver our fridge first fucking thing on Tuesday morning or I was going to flame the "customer testimonial" page on their web site.

Q: So you got your fridge on Tuesday morning?

A: First fucking thing.

Q: And it's a nice fridge?

A: It's a fridge. "Nice" is for curtains and afternoons.

Q: What's the forecast for fridge poetry?

A: Getting rid of the old fridge gave Bruce the strength he needed to blow up the old poem about Satan at the gates of Heaven and it's a whole new ball game now.

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Molly's farewell performance is here.

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week and Happy Easter!

Karen