Almost Able-Bodied

Detail from Nick Sweetnam's completed mural at Sherbourne and Gerrard. 
The last time you saw this it wasn't quite done.

 I've been back at work four weeks now. This means I have a whole bunch of other things to pay attention to besides my progress coming back from surgery. 

Fortunately, others are doing that for me. 

One person noticed right away on Monday this week that I'd stopped using the cane indoors. Another, seeing me walk without the cane, noted that the wobble in my gait is almost gone. Bruce tells me that my walking stride outside is like it was when we went to San Francisco, before this whole arthritis thing got started.

But wait a minute - what's that white thing?

Long ago, when I was in high school in Trenton, Ontario, I attended an assembly where a man in a wheelchair raised our awareness about disabled people. That was when I learned the word "quadriplegic." I also learned that people like the man in the wheelchair called the rest of us "Tabs," the acronym for "temporarily able-bodied." The man in the wheelchair lost the use of his arms and legs in a car crash, but, he told us, "sooner or later everyone becomes disabled, through accident or age or disease."

Wisdom.

His point was we should not only admire him for how he had lived a full and happy life despite being disabled, but be prepared ourselves to stay happy and live our lives fully when disability comes for us.

Obviously, that lesson stayed with me. I hope I've applied it. But, as I continue down the path to the land of the able-bodied, I bring two things with me from the almost two years I spent disabled: 

• a great compassion for those people who deal every day with pain and impaired movement and 
• an even greater gratitude that I'll soon not be one of those people, at least until the next affliction hits.

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen

All Dolled Up

It's not often the case these days that Bruce and I get to dress up and go out someplace. But, Bruce's cousin's oldest child had the good fortune to find the love of her life. 

A wedding was of course the next natural step.

The venue was the Eglinton Grand. The theme was Hollywood glamour. So I got out my sequinned polka dot dress and Bruce put on his purple tie.

Credit: Hair and make-up Jane Saracino; Photo: Jane Saracino

It's October, and it was an evening wedding, so I had to get some kind of a wrap.

Credit: Hair and make-up Jane Saracino; Photo: Jane Saracino

A tricolour sequinned bomber jacket was the most wearable and lowest-cost option. No, really.

An unexpected hip-replacement milestone: This was the first time in more than a year and a half that I've been able to wear heels.

How Weddings Are Done These Days

The wedding cake was made out of da-nuts (donuts made from danish pastry dough).

A master of ceremonies - not related to the bride or groom and not part of the wedding party - maintained order (no glass tinkling to make the B&G kiss), organized contests and announced speakers and dinner courses.

The MC's the one with the microphone.

The bride and groom maintained the important traditions of making sure they talked to everybody, appeared happier than they ever have in their happy lives and looked like movie stars themselves. 

Congratulations and lots of love to the happy couple.

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen

Live (Again) From Toronto Rehab

I'm a little early for my nine a.m. appointment, so I'll rehearse here what I'm going to share with Mariam, my physiotherapist.

The first time I came to TR - which is about 2 km from where I live; a straight line down Gerrard Street - I had to take a cab, with Bruce, because I was that weak and felt that unsure on my feet. That was September 6.

The second time I came to TR, I took the Dundas streetcar, more independent but sufficiently wobbly that a kind stranger asked if I could manage the stairs on my own. That was September 23.

Today, October 17, I walked, still using my cane, to Toronto Rehab.

Yesterday, I walked approximately 3 km to the Nespresso store on Cumberland and back, with a stop at the Maple Leaf Gardens Loblaws on the way.

That's 6 km, pre-arthritis-level walking. And there were no after effects. No soreness. No exhaustion.

So, I need to upgrade to another level. 

I started, as you recall, as a baby bird. Then a baby giraffe. Then a baby bear.

I'm graduated to adolescent now.  Bruce has proposed an ostrich.

Thanks for reading!

Karen

Saddle Sore

High contrast on a sunny day in Halifax

I am fully back in the saddle at work now, coming off a four day week that felt like ten. 

The Three Bureaucrats You'll Meet ...
A perfect storm in the public service is when you have, together and at the same time each of these types of bureaucrat on a file

• the gatekeeper
• the sloth
• the underminer

These three are all really one type of bureaucrat, the type that prevents things from getting done. The only real difference is their modus operandi.

The gatekeeper convenes teleconferences with sixty attendees so there are many witnesses to their public shaming of your best efforts in support of the government that, ostensibly, everyone on the call works for.

The sloth agrees to help make things happen on a short time line, signs a work plan, then ignores the work plan, does nothing and refuses to return calls and e-mails the day the-thing-that-absolutely-has-to-be-ready is due.

The underminer is someone on your own team who zealously pursues other Ministries in misguided attempts to advance the file. These well-intentioned shows of moral outrage piss everyone off for no good reason and precipitate shocking delays. 

That pretty much describes my Friday afternoon.   

The Seven Stakeholders You'll Shake Hands With
I spent some or all of three of the week's four days performing a short set of jokes based on the ambitions of the current government about something called the Green Bank before turning the conversation over to four different groups of stakeholders. 

Their opinions about the Green Bank ranged from scowling scepticism to gleam-eyed excitement.

In no particular order, I shook hands with

• the impressively smart non-government organization rep
• the impressively rich corporate executive
• the impressively dressed woman who sat there and said nothing for an entire three hour session
• the impressively firm-hand-shaking guy from the geothermal industry, one of whom showed up for every single session (not the same guy; always the same handshake)
• the impressively angry construction sector economist who left the meeting in a rage because someone disagreed with him
• the impressively friendly guy who saw my cane and told me an interesting tale about his own medical adventures
• the impressively compassionate person who expressed interest in my recovery and who seemed impressed himself that I was on my feet and leading consultations eight weeks after surgery.

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen

Multitasking

Is it in the dining room?

Now that I'm back at work, along with healing and rebuilding the strength in my right leg, I keep myself busy by:

Looking for My Cane

My instructions are clear: use the cane all time time, especially when I am going up and down stairs. But I'm a preoccupied, easily distracted middle aged person. I forget things. I take stuff with me. I change my mind. Then I have to retrace my steps, or go someplace else. All of that and a cane are a lot to keep track of. The cane is forgotten first. Then I have to find it.

Is it in the kitchen?

Counselling Future Hip Recipients

My first day back at work a colleague from Intergovernmental Affairs asked me why I was walking with a cane. When I explained, he said that he was scheduled for hip surgery on October 21. So we made a date to talk about the things they don't tell you. 

His biggest concern was pain. I advised, because he is also an active person, he will likely, after the surgery, be most interested in rehabilitation. 

He wondered if OHIP-funded physiotherapists were any good. I told him I was quite satisfied with mine. 

He wondered if he could go back to work after four weeks. I told him I was glad I had randomly picked six. 

He was worried about all the equipment he would need: a walker, a raised toilet seat, a cane and what all that said about him as a person. I told him he would be exactly the same person after surgery as before and none of those things mattered. 

Is it under the coffee table in the living room?

Is it in the front hallway?

Being the Victim of My own Success

Almost without thinking about it I have reverted to my pre-arthritis stride while walking to work. I'm not quite up to 6.6 kph, but I'm going strong enough that I've given myself shin splints.

Never thought I'd say this, but I am happy to have 'em.

Is it in the second floor washroom?

Is it in the third floor washroom?

Is it in the front bedroom on the second floor?

Thanks for reading!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Karen

The Last of the Hip

Until six weeks from now, when I go back to Dr. Mahomed for another check-in, this will be the last post about my hip. 

Working for a Living

I go back to work tomorrow, Monday, October 3. This past week, I did a few test drives and think I know what are my (current) limits.

• I can walk a maximum of 4 kilometres a day, a maximum of 2 kilometres at a time. So I can make it to work and back on foot. I'm up to pre-surgery speeds: 4.4 kph.
• I can sit through a one hour meeting no problem. If the meeting is longer than that, I have to get out of my chair.
• I think I can manage an eight-hour day. Three days this past week I did things that occupied me for several hours at a time (housekeeping chores; shopping; walking out doors). None of this effort made me collapse, so I should have the stamina to make it through a work day.

That Was Six Weeks of My Life - What Did I Accomplish?

In terms of the primary objective, healing, there were three distinct stages in the six weeks, demarcated by the surgery and the first and second visits to Toronto Rehab.

The first stage was the "baby bird" stage - the first three weeks after surgery - where sitting in a chair for an hour was a major accomplishment. I could and did walk significant distances out of doors (1.2 km to the doctor's office, for example, to get my staples pulled), but that was a bad idea. I was weak, unsteady, easily exhausted, plus dizzy and nauseated from the anemia brought on by the blood thinners I was shooting into my belly fat every morning.

The second stage was the "baby giraffe" stage, the two weeks between September 6 and September 23. I was off the blood thinners and, with the physio, getting stronger and more confident on my legs. This is where I got ambitious and overdid it, putting myself in unnecessary pain. 

The third stage was the "baby bear" stage, where I've been since my birthday. I feel pretty strong now, though I still walk with a wobble without my cane. I can stand for a long time no problem. I can prepare meals. I can vacuum. Hell, I even cleaned out the linen closet in the master bedroom yesterday.

But, my physio still feels like work. I can't climb stairs very well. 

Some days I feel like I'm improving. Some days I don't.

As for what else I accomplished, I feel it's important to talk about ...

Netflix

I had to amp my Internet usage to "unlimited" with Bell, and then logged hours (and hours) on Netflix. There were distinct categories in this accomplishment as well. A comprehensive list of what I watched would seriously test us all, I think, so here are a few of the highlights:

Watched for the first time and then watched all or some again because I liked it so much:

• Zootopia
• Schitt's Creek
• Galavant
• Very British Problems

Watched for the first time and understood what all the hype was about:

• Boyhood

Watched for the first time and wondered what all the hype was about:

• Interstellar
• House of Cards (Kevin Spacey version)
• Glee
• Madmen

Watched for the first time and felt like I hadn't wasted my time:

• Ken Burns' The Roosevelts: An Intimate History
• Andrew Roberts' Napoleon
• David Reynolds' WWII: 1941 and the Man of Steel
• Micheal Pollan's Cooked
• Jon Favreau's Chef
• Michael Moore's Where to Invade Next
• Barry Levinson's Rock the Kasbah
• Henry Selick's Coraline
• Hitchcock's Rear Window
• Raiders of the Lost Art (television series)

Watched for the first time and felt like I had wasted my time:

• The Beach
• Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
• The Wedding Crashers
• The White Helmets (shameless propaganda)
• The second and third films in the Hunger Games Trilogy
• Joy

Watched for the first time and wondered what it said about me that I watched the whole thing:

• Cocaine Cowboys
• Whitey: United States of America v James J. Bulger

Watched because it was mostly about food:

• Sugar Coated
• Food Matters
• Fed Up
• Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
• Forks Over Knives

Started watching but couldn't bring myself to keep watching:

• Netflix original Marco Polo
• Detropia

Re-watched for good reason:

• The Usual Suspects
• American Hustle
• The Big Short
• Catch Me If You Can
• Deadpool
• Original Star Trek and Star Trek TNG episodes
• Community episodes

Re-watched for no good reason:

• Zoolander
• Inception
• Ocean's 12
• Ocean's 13

Other Things

Two other things I hoped to get done in what seemed at the outset like an almost limitless span of time were to

• research how to bring water metering to each of the units in our condo complex (so we each pay for our own water consumption)
• get competitive quotes for renovations to our master bedroom and stairs.

I got part of one of these done. We have a contractor coming in on Monday to talk about the work on the bedroom and stairs.

Too much Netflix.

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen

The Last of the Thing

Roughed-in cicada around the corner from the wasp, by Nick Sweetnam

The Ruler of a small but pleasant realm was in her chambers, with the Wizard, her most skilled improvisor. They both looked worried.

It had been thirty three days since the Thing had last spat up its so far only stunning gem of incalculable value, quite contrary to the Wizard's calculations.

"I'd looked it up in the Monsters encyclopedia," he explained. "Money-eating mammal-bird hybrids are exceedingly rare. In fact there has been only one other of its kind ever recorded. 

"That one also ate metal and coughed up gems. It was twice the size of this one here, and produced a gem once every ten days, so I did the math. Half the size, twice as long to produce.

"It's just as possible," said the Wizard, "that this was a one-time event. Monsters don't follow patterns. That's what makes them monsters."

The Ruler worried how the Greatest Ruler, her boss to the fifth power, would react to the news that the Thing's gem was a one-time wonder. She and the Wizard had already exhausted his Bag of Tricks deflecting messengers enquiring about the next gem.

"What happened to the other monster?" asked the Ruler, "the one like the Thing that ate metal and coughed up gems?"

"It died in a fire," said the Wizard.

"That's tragic," said the Ruler. "Do you find it cold in here?"

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen