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| The Whole Fam Damily: Clark Family reunion, Qualicum Beach, July 11 2015 Photo Credit: Kevan MacRow |
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The Queen's realm is traversed by a highroad known as the Yessir Yessir Highway, running between the Queen's castle and that of the Emperor. The Emperor is the titular ruler of several small, pleasant realms including the Queen's.
The Queen's most recent adventures along this highway began with the unexpected arrival of a messenger.
"Oh great Queen," said the messenger, "the Emperor has asked for your presence at the Annual Great-Gab-Fest."
It had never been the case in the whole history of the realm that rulers had ever gone to the Great-Gab-Fest, so the Queen asked why she needed to go.
"Because no one else will go," said the messenger, really trying to be helpful.
The Queen asked the same question, but in a different way. "What needs to be done at the Great-Gab-Fest that makes it necessary for me to go?"
"You need to help the Emperor in his demonstration of how to slay a dragon."
"But I don't know how to slay a dragon," said the Queen, "The ruler next door does. Go ask her."
Thinking this cleared things up, the Queen went back to whatever task she had been in the middle of but that she could no longer recall because of the messenger's interruption. Another messenger entered.
"Oh great Queen," said the second messenger. "The Greatest Ruler has promised a workshop on dragon slaying at the Great-Gab-Fest and you are on the hook to make it happen."
The Greatest Ruler was the boss of the Emperor, so was the Queen's Boss's Boss.
Impressed by the source of the request, the Queen tried to keep her tone even, "Didn't someone just come in here asking about the same thing? Did you talk with them? Dragon slaying belongs to the realm next door."
"Also," said the Queen, angling to settle the matter once and for all, "I will be away on a quest during the Great-Gab-Fest."
For almost half a day, this gambit worked. Then the first messenger returned, bringing a fresh piece of information.
"Oh great Queen, the news has spread like wildfire that your quest has been cancelled. Now you must attend the Great-Gab-Fest and talk for five minutes about anything at all."
"What?" said the Queen, forgetting to sound delighted. "The Great-Gab-Fest is a four day journey. I must go there to talk for five minutes? About anything I want? That makes no sense whatsoever.
"Can you tell me," said the Queen looking at the crestfallen messenger, "where these requests are coming from?"
"From the Troll bridge," said the messenger.
Everyone wanting to reach the Emperor had to cross the Troll Bridge. It was a place of great power and peril.
The Queen didn't see any other way to sort out the bizaare requests, so she and the messenger made their way along the Yessir Yessir Highway to the Troll Bridge.
Once there, the Queen and messenger were met with an eerie silence. The bridge normally swarmed with armies of trolls, but it was the season for troll holidays, and the place was practically deserted. They found what appeared to be the one troll in residence, slouched over a glowing magic tablet. It condescended to lift its eyes only after the Queen and messenger had made several offerings of songs and semi-precious stones.
"What do you want?" it asked.
"Most noble troll," began the Queen, "we are grateful for your wisdom and infinite patience. We come seeking answers about the Great-Gab-Fest and who must attend to help the Emperor."
"I've already told you," snapped the troll, "go away."
"Can we please check to make sure we have heard your wise direction correctly?" persisted the Queen. She quickly told the troll of the strange requests, her lack of knowledge about dragon slaying and the sorry waste of time in travelling four days in each direction to speak for five minutes.
"That's not what I asked for," growled the troll.
"Yes it is," said the foolishly brave and instantly career-limited messenger.
"Alright then" said the Queen, whose patience was approaching dangerously low levels, "We are agreed. The Emperor needs help to demonstrate how to slay a dragon at the Great-Gab-Fest, so you," the Queen turned to the messenger, "need to ask this of someone from the realm next door to mine."
The Queen did not add, "which is what I asked you to do the first time we had this conversation" due to the dangers of speaking these words in the presence of the troll, but she was sorely tempted.
Returning home on the Yessir Yessir Highway, the Queen pretended to pay attention to the messenger's long and many complaints about the trolls and the Troll Bridge. Her thoughts were otherwise occupied with the question of whether this was truly the end of the adventure ...
Stay tuned.
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Thanks to all the wise, generous, good-looking, glamorous, sweet-smelling and heroic people who answered Question One.
All readers who would also like to be considered wise, generous, good-looking, glamorous, sweet-smelling and heroic may want to respond to this week's question, which you can find here.
Thanks for reading!
Have a great week!
Karen
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