Your Tax Dollars At Work

Sidewalk sign on the Golden Gate Bridge. Men and girls in hats may walk here.

Returning to work after two weeks away is like waking up from a long coma. Everything may seem familiar, but there are important differences and they are hard to put your finger on.

This past week - my first week back after waking from my Christmas/NewYears/San Francisco coma - I struggled not only to catch up on the subtle differences in everything, but also to complete a very important task.

As always, these are confidential matters, so I will resort to a fanciful tale featuring our friend the ruler and her advisors.

***

The ruler of a small, pleasant realm was in the midst of doing some routine paperwork one day when a crowd of her advisors came to speak with her. She asked what they wanted.

"Oh great ruler," they said, "barbarians are at the gate!"

"Goodness," said the ruler, "what should I do?"

But before she had completed her question, the ruler's advisors had already nodded to one another, as if to say 'our work here is done,' and were gone.

Perplexed, but busy with other matters, the ruler hurried to finish her paperwork and get on with her day.

The next day, the ruler's advisors returned.

"Oh great ruler," they said, their tone betraying their need for patience, "we told you barbarians were at the gate; have you taken the appropriate steps?"

The ruler replied, just as patiently, "I asked you what I should do, but you were already gone."

Stunned by the ingratitude and arrogance of their leader, the advisors said, "you need to fill out these forms," and handed her a thick sheaf of papers.

The ruler looked at the forms. "But this is the paperwork I was doing yesterday, only about ten times more. Why didn't you tell me this yesterday?"

"You don't need to get nasty," said the advisor closest to retirement, "we're just trying to help."

"Can you help me now?" asked the ruler as she flipped through the complex forms. When she looked up, her advisors were gone.

Annoyed, but determined to protect her realm, the ruler set aside all her other responsibilities and applied herself to filling in the forms. No other work was done that week.

When she'd completed the task the ruler asked, "So, is my realm protected? Have the barbarians fled?"

"Oh no," said her advisors, astonished at how clueless their ruler could be some times, "they're still there. They're reading the forms. And if they find something they don't like, they will attack us."

"What are the chances they will find something they don't like?" asked the ruler.

"Oh, high," said her advisors, nodding their heads vigorously, "very high."

"So I spent all week, putting everything else aside, to fill out forms that will at best delay but not prevent a barbarian invasion?" asked the ruler.

"Well," said her advisors, looking sideways at one another, "They're accountants."

"Barbarian accountants?" asked the ruler.

"Yes," said her advisors, "The worst kind."

"Well, in that case," said the ruler, regretting how much effort had been put into fending off marauding bean counters, "could we just, in future, set out some simple rules for this paperwork that will both appease the accountants and take less time?"

Delighted by the wisdom and foresight of their great leader, the advisors set to work make the existing forms longer and more elaborate. 

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen