Gifts from the Departed

Cold, crabby pigeon on a foggy day at the Halifax Citadel, May 2016.

After my mother died, Bruce and I spent the greatest part of my share of her estate on renovating our little condo on Maitland Place. With the money left over from that, almost on a whim, I decided to get braces to straighten my teeth. My parents had never been able to afford orthodontia when I was growing up, and I think that bothered my mother. Using the last of her gift to me to accomplish some unfinished business for her made me feel good. We've long since sold the condo and the lovely renovations, but I think of my mother every time I smile.

Recently, as readers know, Bruce's sweet Aunt Arlie passed away. She left Bruce a gift in her will. And, now, thanks to the generosity of the dear departed, as of Tuesday coming up, Bruce and I will no longer have a mortgage. I will also, before the end of the summer, have a new hip. 

More about that later. 

It's now time to return to the land of the Yessir Yessir Highway to see what's up with the Ruler, her Advisors and the Template Hordes.

*******

Winded and limping, the Ruler reached her chambers and shut the door behind her. She had just fled from the multitudinous masses of Advisors of the Power, the vast, terrible scourge that had been neither seen nor heard since time immemorial and was now advancing on her realm at a startling pace.

The Ruler had been able to distract the template-bearing horde with a riddle, but she now needed to plan an offence, something to appease them and ultimately make them go away.

She called in Chappie, her most trusted advisor, and the Wizard, her most skilled improvisor. 

They came right away both looking pale and scared.

"You have heard the news, then," said the Ruler, and they nodded sadly. "Great, so what do we do?"

"Not sure," said the Wizard, turning his bag of tricks inside out to demonstrate just a bit grandiosely that it was empty. "We've never seen anything quite like this before."

"Are you absolutely sure of that?" asked the Ruler, a bell ringing faintly in her head. "Is there nothing in the Great Book of All That Has Been to tell us of another time when the realm was inundated with templates?"

The Wizard pondered for a moment and then brightened. "Of course!" he exclaimed, "The Bureaucratic Invasion of '92!"

"The what now?" asked the Queen, who had actually been thinking of something else - the storied Administrative Armageddon of '69.

"Then there was the Great Forms Fallout in '54," added Chappie.

"And the Document Monsoon," said the Wizard, remembering the previous summer.

"And," said the Ruler, "about a couple of dozen more in the time I have been ruler. This is really nothing new. There's just more of them than we're used to. So check your bag of tricks again, Mr. Wizard. What have you got?"

The Wizard bowed respectfully to his ruler and said, "My answer hasn't changed. We should do nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

A light dawned for the Ruler. She went to get herself a cup of tea and then sat at her window until the Template Horde arrived.

She didn't have long to wait before thousands and thousands of them stood under her window, each waving a template, each calling upon her to fill out Annex 1 and Annex 2 and so on.

Using the international sign for "please shut up", the Ruler raised her arms. The multitude fell silent. 

"Thank you so much for involving me in your process," said The Ruler. "I am honoured to be a part of this historic collaboration and look forward to the fruitful endeavours it will launch. I am, however, a little busy. Could you fill the templates out for me?"

As one, the giant mob of advisors dropped to their knees, forming small circles, each using the back of the advisor in front of them as a writing desk. They began filling out templates as if their lives depended on it. For all the Ruler knew, that might just have been the case. She shut the window.

The next day, the Ruler looked out to see the Template Horde had gone. At least it was gone from her realm. She looked up the Yessir Yessir Highway and saw clouds of dust raised in front of the castles of her bosses to the fourth and fifth powers, the Emperor and the Greatest Ruler. This was not a good omen, but the trouble was distant for now. 

She turned back to her chambers. Her paperwork pile had begun to grow again. As she settled into that task, the Wizard dropped by.

"All good?" he asked.

"I don't pay you enough," said the Ruler, initiating the Corny Joke protocol.

"Oh great Ruler," said the Wizard, following the protocol, "you don't pay me anything."

"Well, in that case then," said the Ruler, delivering the Official Punchline, "I'll double your salary."

Thanks for reading!

Have a great week!

Karen